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Saturday, October 16, 2004
some jokes i found at talkingcock.com =) hahahah There was this case in a hospital's intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and always on Friday mornings, regardless of their medical conditions. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause. Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Some held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil.... As the time approached, their hearts began beating anxiously, and with every beat of the clock, everyone held their breath........ .... Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, came into the room and unplugged the life support system so that she could use the vacuum cleaner. ********************************************************************************** Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients. He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?" Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!" The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers. The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..." At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Ah Seng! Ah Pa is peeing in the refrigerator again!" *********************************************************************************** Char Siew Pao and Mee Kia got involved in an argument. Char Siew Pao got very angry and shouted at Mee Kia, "I'm going to find my gang to hantam you!" So Char Siew Pao went to round up Leng Yong Pau and Tau Sar Pow. Just then, Maggi Mee walked round the corner. Immediately, the Paos started to beat him up. As Char Siew Pao was punching Maggi Mee, he shouted, "Don't think just because you perm your hair, we can't recognise you, okay!" *********************************************************************************** One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions: MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L" Miss USA: Lamp Miss Malaysia: Light bulb Miss Singapore: LADIO Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L" MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L" Miss USA: Lion Miss Malaysia: Leopard Miss Singapore: LABBIT Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L" MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrectly, you are disqualified. Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L" Miss USA: Lemon Miss Malaysia: Lychee Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN ! This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance. Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L" Miss USA: Lung (applause) Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause) Miss Singapore: LAN CHEOW ! Judge: ?????????!!!! *********************************************************************************** Two Hokkien pengs, Ah Beng and Ah Seng, got promoted from privates to corporals. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Ah Beng says, "Eh, Seng ah, there's the NCO Club. Let's go inside and togo." "But we all is plivate only, mah," protests Ah Seng. "No, we all is copler now," says Ah Beng, pulling him inside. Once inside the pub, Ah Beng says, "Okay, let's order some beer and togo!" "But we all is plivate!" says Ah Seng. "Piang eh, you cannot see, meh?" says Ah Beng, pointing to his stripes. "We all is copler now!" After leaving the NCO club, Ah Beng and Ah Seng go to Geylang. There, Ah Beng whistles at a hooker, but the hooker says, "Sorry, hor. Tonight cannot because I got gonorrhea." Ah Beng pulls Ah Seng to the side and say, "Eh, you go and check the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. It it's okay, give me the okay sign." Ah Seng goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Ah Beng a big thumbs-up. Three weeks later, Ah Beng is in the hospital with a severe case of gonorrhea. "Ni na beh," he scolds Ah Seng. "Why you tell me it's okay?" "Not my fault!" says Ah Seng. "In the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects the privates." Then he points to his stripes: "But we is copler now, mah!"
&hearts
7:25 PM
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